I'm back!! I'm honestly going to try and update once a week, but unfortunately I suffer from a debilitating condition that has postponed my updating this blog this week. The doctors call it procrastination, I fear that it might be fatal. I've been afflicted with it since I was seven, my first year competing in the school science fair. It quickly became an issue once I finished my project the night before and still won a first place ribbon. The ailment continued for three more years, with three more blue ribbons, until fourth grade when I tried to treat my disease by spending two weeks on my science fair project. Two weeks that earned me the inferior second place red ribbon. Unfortunately that was the last time I ever tried to treat the condition. However, it does become a situation that can get out of control, so please accept this apology and I will get to why You're really reading this blog. Without further ado, here is reason #2.

#Reason 2: Iugah!

(photos do not belong to me, all credit goes to the original owners whomever they are)

     You know that moment when you accidentally bump into a cute guy in the middle of the hallway, then you both make eye contact and somehow you manage to pull off a totally nonchalant/cute look?
Neither do I. In fact the beginning of that question has actually happened to me multiple times but the ending couldn't be further from the truth. Let me continue this post with some real life stories of how cute boys have run into yours truly, and how I've failed terribly at pulling off any form of normality.

     Situation 1: Shannon is briskly walking down the hall to get to last period because that school is too freakin' big to walk slowly AND be on time. So I'm at the end of the hallway and am about to turn left when BAM cute guy cuts me off. What do I do? Well make eye contact of course. That wouldn't be a problem if a face similar to this wasn't accompanying the eye contact.

     It seems that my face rejects any idea of even remotely trying to look cute and just goes with the most unattractive thing it can conjure up in two seconds. I mean who needs a chastity belt when you can pull this face out of nowhere in less than two seconds? Needless to say Shannon did not ever see this boy again, to be honest he probably started taking a different route to get to his last class. Oh well it's not like this was a solitary occurrence.

     Situation 2: ROLE REVERSSAL! So I'm walking down the hallway minding my own business when a kid exiting a classroom runs into ME. (I feel like it's important to bring up that I was not the reason that this happened this time, I was just the reason why no one dates me)  Average looking kid bumps into me, apologizes while picking up the book I dropped, and is met with this beautiful face:

     As if my terrifying face wasn't enough to scare little Timmy away, my vocal cords decide to make an appearance and chime in with a terrified "MEEERRREEEP!" 

     I'm beginning to think that my body either hates me or just wants to be single forever and die alone. 

BUT wait there's more, events always come in three's, even the terrible ones.

     Situation 3: I would like to pretend that this has only happened three times, but unfortunately I have become a human magnet by drawing people to run into me and the switching poles really quickly and repelling them far far away. Can you guess where this one takes place? If you guessed anything other than my school hallway, I am very worried for you and you should probably go see a doctor because there's something wrong with you. Of course it's a hallway! Where else would I find these perfectly nice guys to run into and terrify, Lord knows they aren't coming around my house.

On to this unfortunate event we can see me walking down the hallway when cute guy pops out of his classroom. My friend is unfazed and stops to let boy move around, unfortunately the Hotness Monster makes eye contact with myself first before stepping around friend. The Hotness Monster moves to the side to be polite while offering an apologetic and sweet smile. This is the look of apology and thanks he gets from me in return:

     Yes disgust, I have no idea why either, but guess who decides to be vocal again? (Me of course because i'm pretty sure that being single my whole life has become a job, I can't honestly imagine anyone being THIS uneatable without it being some sort of job) I actually took a couple steps before my brain processed what strand of verbal diarrhea slipped out of my mouth. Turns out in one of my most venomous and disgusted voices I could produce a strand of vowels and constants run out like this, "Iugah!"  Poor boy walked away confused as to what he did wrong to deserve that response, while my friend laughs at me and I wonder why my body hates me so much.

     I've wondered why I was single before, but after writing this I'm not even sure how people ever talk or befriend me. Only two things are certain, my face and voice hate me, and I'm still single.
Maybe I should join a convent....

The Beginning: Reason #1

Quick Introduction: I'm eighteen, I have a pretty good life, and for the most part I'm a happy person. I get good grades, I have nice friends, I have a killer sense of humor and my wit is very sharp. I am also a genuinely nice person, yet here I am, eighteen and single. Not only am I single, I've actually never been on a date. It's sad and true. I have never even been asked out, pretty sure I've never even been considered as a date by a guy. As an eighteen year-old, you can probably imagine how humiliated I feel because of my constant singleness.

In no way am I a perfect person, I'm not nor will I ever be a size two, I am also short with the added bonus of a young face, so not only do I have the height of a fourteen year-old but also a similar face shape. All these are probably detrimental to my non existent dating life. However, I refuse to accept that I'm single because "I'm not trying hard enough", or "too picky", or my favorite "not making finding a boyfriend a priority." Thank you online quizzes and magazines for your insight and unhelpfulness. I appreciate feeling like I'm defective, really. I hate that I do feel like I have something wrong with me because I'm still single, but I love myself enough to not want to change myself as a person just to get a boyfriend.

And while I continue to reject the reasons stated above as legitimate reasons, there are definitely reasons I am in fact single. Reasons uniquely mine and unfortunately all true. My goal? To provide entertainment while also analyzing my life and the quirks about myself that have contributed to where I am today. I don't know what to expect to get out of this, maybe I can figure out how to be more socially appealing, or maybe I help others understand that they shouldn't have to change who they are for a relationship, or maybe this blog goes up in flames and I realize I should not be a blogger. Who knows?

Without any more babble here is reason #1; Hiccups.
Everyone has cute, small hiccups, that gasp for air and are mildly entertaining to those around. These are not one of the reasons. No, the hiccup fairy has decided to "bless" me with throat tearing, ear shattering, child scarring hiccups. This is not an exaggeration. I really do have these hiccups. They are obnoxious and loud and never ending. Most people have several over a short period of time, I get one hiccup but it occurs about every hour. One loud hiccup that spreads fear over my peers faces and exclamations of "you scared me!" I also get questions of "how does that happen?", I honestly am not too clear about why, my doctors aren't sure and I've just had to learn to accept that I will probably always be a hiccuping freak of nature. My favorite response to my always joyful hiccups is the "can you stop them?" If i could don't you think I would? Seriously people, I get that they're annoying and loud, try living with them. I get annoyed with them just as much as you. It sucks when I'm at the movies, or a play, or a school assembly and they happen, I don't like being the freak. Worst of all id the first day of school, new teachers, new students, frantically looking around the room for someone I've had class with before to back me up in saying that this is how I am, and unfortunately it's going to happen a lot throughout the year, I appreciate the people who find them hysterical and always laugh, I can deal with the laughter more than I can the looks of terror. Having people look at you like you're a monster does not boost a teenage girls confidence.

But lets face it no matter if you find them funny, or terrifying, or feel indifference about my hiccups, no one wants to date the hiccuping wierdo in class. That's why my hiccups are reason 1, Beware the hiccuping freak!